Tag Archives: anger

Can’t Communicate What To Do?

balance-the-body-and-the-soulThe very first thing to do is to take an honest look at yourself and make sure that you are open to learning. If you find that you are angry, you are blaming, you’re defensive, stressed or closed, or that you have an agenda, you will need to calm down and shift your intent from controlling to learning, or you may decide that this is not a good time for you to talk.  Say something like, “I’m feeling too frustrated right now to talk about this. How about we try again in half an hour?” Now disengage, focus on doing some inner work to get open and caring and to go back and try again.

become-a-better-personAs you check in and are open, the next thing to do might seem simple, however, it can be incredibly challenging for most of us. You need to fully accept (100%) that if you are stuck in communicating, the other person is not open and that there is nothing you can do about it.  We have no control over whether another person chooses to be open, closed, caring, uncaring, controlling or accepting.

Having accepted (100%) your lack of control over the other person’s intention, and 100% accepted that you cannot resolve anything when one person is closed, you’ve done all that you can control to encourage communication and, can now take loving action on your own behalf.

fix-problemsYou now take a healthy action and say something like, “We seem to be stuck in our communication right now. Let’s try it again in half an hour.”  Take note that you are not accusing the other person of being closed, which would be a form of control. You are merely stating that you are stuck.

The challenge now is to keep an open heart so that when the other person is open, you too are also open. This means that you walk away with love rather than anger.

However, if the other person never opens up, you need to accept that there is no way of resolving anything with that person. There’s an old proverb which states:  you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.  The definition of this old proverb is: you can give someone an opportunity but you can’t force that person to take that opportunity.

self-care

 

 

You’ve made a noble effort to resolve a communication issue that is still unresolved.  You now need to be open to learning how to take care of yourself in the face of that truth.

 

 

Are you get stuck with someone and can’t communicate?  What do you usually do?

Do you:

  • angry-person-yellingShout angrily to intimidate the other person into hearing you and/or agreeing with you?
  • Walk away or hang up the phone?
  • Talk louder and faster trying harder to get your point across?
  • Cry in frustration?
  • Give in and just listen quietly to the other person?
  • Withdraw your love in the hope of punishing the other person into hearing you?
  • Reach for a drink or food to avoid your feelings?

What happens with you emotionally with your relationship when you do any of these things?

uncomfortable-conversationWhat happens is that you and the other person become distant for a while until things calm down, but it may be some time before you and that other person (e.g. a friend, child, parent, co-worker, partner) feel comfortable talking with each other or being around each other again.

Is there a better way to approach the situation when you can’t communicate?

definition-of-communication-smallYou bet there is!  First, it is important to understand why you can’t communicate.  You dig deep; investigate and find the root cause, then work to fix it.

When two or more people are open to learning about themselves and each other good communication and conflict resolution flow naturally.  This means that it is more important to you to learn from the situation than it is to be right.

an-open-mind

 

It is impossible to communicate effectively when one person is not open to learning. What eventually happens is that the person that keeps on trying and trying becomes more and more frustrated since there is no way the person that is not open to learning will ever hear or understand why he/she is closed to learning.

Can You Control Your Anger

anger is normalAnger is a normal, healthy emotion.

No one is perfect; we all encounter anger in our lives and, dealing with anger is a normal part of life.  What’s challenging about anger is how we choose to deal with it.

 

anger out of controlIf you choose to be negative and consistently get upset when things don’t go your way you might need to take a serious look at constructive ways to control your anger and keep your temper in check.  If on the other hand you choose to deal with the upsetting issue in a positive manner means you’re able to stay in control in spite of whatever frustration you’re experiencing.  Uncontrolled anger will eventually take a toll on your own health, your family and your relationships.  Often times it does not end well.

anger managementTake an objective look at yourself, come to terms with your anger issue and start implementing positive changes to improve your own health and your family relationships.  Learn to control your anger, change and live.

Here are 10 Tips:

  1. Think before you speak

respect others 1You cannot take back the spoken word so take a few moments to gather your thoughts before saying anything.  If you can’t say something good don’t say anything at all.  Be respectful of others involved and allow them the opportunity to do the same.

  1. Talk about what made you angry when you are calm

expressing-angerWhen you calm down and have gathered your thoughts express your frustration in a non-confrontational, assertive way.  Clearly state your concerns and what you would like without hurting others or trying to control them.

  1. Exercise regularly

Physical activities help to reduce stress.  Since stress is a major cause of anger you can Tai chimanage stress by keeping physically active.  Go for a brisk walk or run, ride your bike through a nature trail, spend time doing other enjoyable physical activities.  Yoga, pilates, Tai Chi are great ways to calm your mind.

  1. Take a Tmeout

Taking short breaks from your routine can be helpful.  Enjoy a few minutes of quiet time in meditation.  This might help you feel calm and better prepared to handle whatever comes your way.

  1. Find and implement possible solutions

be flexible in lifeInvest time and work on resolving the issue(s) at hand in a positive manner. To every problem there’s a solution.  If what you’re doing isn’t working, change it to something that works. If your child’s messy room drive you crazy, you can close the door.  If your scheduled dinner time no longer works for everyone, then change it to a time convenient to all.  Be flexible and roll with the punches.  Anger does not fix anything, it only make matters worse.  Flexibility encourages change.  Since change is the only constant in our lives we need to change as life changes.

6. Use ‘I’ statements

respect for othersWhen dealing with an issue the last thing you want to happen is to create additional tension or place blame.  Be respectful and specific.  Here’s an example of how you use the “I” statement.  Say:  “I’m upset that you got up and left the table without offering to help with the dishes,” instead of saying:  “You never do any housework.”  

7. Be done with grudges

No more grudges

Practice forgiveness. When you forgive you free yourself from carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.  Forgiveness is a powerful tool that liberates you to freedom.  It is easier to forgive than to hold onto any form of negativity.  Embrace the gift of life, forgive yourself and everyone, live in the moment and appreciate the wonderful gift of life.

8. Laugh to release tension

laughter

One of the easiest and quickest ways to feel better is to enjoy a good belly laugh.  Learn to loosen up, learn to relax and find humour in your given scenario rather than focus on anger.  Laughter is natural therapy that does a world of good with no associated costs.

9. Choose to relax

take time to relaxWhen you feel the urge to be angry, count from one to ten and practice deep-breathing exercises.  Go out for a walk in the fresh air, clear your mind and relax.  You might also listen to easy, calming music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses.  Best of all take a vacation.  Do whatever it takes to encourage relaxation, just do not get angry.

10. Know when to seek help

anger destroysOld habits die hard and change takes work.  Controlling anger can be challenging at times however, if your anger issues seem to be out of control and you’re not making any progress on your own, it is time to seek help.  Too much anger is destructive not only to you – it negatively impacts everyone around you.

Forgive and Stop Your Suffering

Holding grudges.1Are you holding onto anger against something or someone, sometimes including yourself?  Most emotional pain is caused by holding onto a deep grudge.  That emotional pain breeds physical illness and pain.  The longer that emotional pain is allowed to linger inside you, the more extreme the illnesses and physical pain tends to be.

healthy eatingIn an effort to stop this emotional and physical suffering, most people turn to what I’ll call “indirect” treatments. Some can be helpful, such as a healthy diet and exercise. Some can cause further pain, such as certain pills and alcohol.

Let go of grudges

There is however, an action you can take that is possibly the most effective way to stop the suffering and promote healing.  This action is successful because it targets the very source of the pain and dissolves it.

 

This action may not be always easy. However, I assure you that once you’ve taken this particular action you can feel like a miracle suddenly descended on you in terms of how powerfully it releases your suffering when you do it.

 

I share the attached article courtesy of Ty Bollinger.  Here’s what he asks below.

“Please share this important article with everyone you care about, and have a great day. 🙂

Ty Bollinger”